Excelsior!

 "All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare." ~  Benedict Spinoza, 1632-1677

Gentle Readers and Loved Ones,

I am unsure why my muse has driven me to write and share this.....

The Two Times that I Astounded the First Responders of Burnet County, WI

First Responders, as a group, are experienced people who have seen it all.  To present them with a situation that they have never seen before requires both application of effort and no small amount of bad luck.  This may be the only way I will ever stand out against the communality of the herd that is the human race, for I have managed to do this twice.

Story 1) The snowmobile wreck.

 

Back in 2013, I was cruising solo on a Tuesday in February through the wilds of Wisconsin on a beautiful, clear winter day.  I still thought of myself as a moderately talented snowmobile driver and I was carving a nice 90 degree turn near Web Lake when I hit a patch of ice and then hit a tree.  I was thrown from the sled and somehow hyperextended my right knee and completely tore my right Anterior Cruciate Ligament, although I wouldn’t know about the tear until days later after an MRI.

I found myself in a bramble bush whose scrapes only added minor misery to the excruciating pain in my knee.  I’m angry at having crashed the snowmobile that I loved more than a man ought to love an inanimate object.  I crawled out, dialed 911, the first responders came and put me on a back board on an ATV where I was hauled out to the road, loaded in an ambulance and summarily shipped down to the hospital emergency room in Spooner, WI.  

Somewhere in this process, I called Ann, we joined up and she was sitting with me in the hospital after I had been somewhat sedated, knee braced, x-rayed and told I was going to be sent home.

Having set the stage, here is where I achieved my first pinnacle of success.  The nice ER Nurse said: “I have to ask you some questions for reporting before we release you.  Your answers are for research only and cannot be used in a court of law.  Please answer me truthfully.”  So, I did.

We came to the fateful question.  “Was there alcohol involved in this accident?”  The pleasantly attractive nurse looks at me earnestly and says, “Geoff, I’ve been a nurse here for 14 years and I ride a lot too.  You can answer this question and nothing will happen to you.”

I look back at her then at Ann.  “Uh, I think I had a beer with lunch yesterday?”  Ann nods in the affirmative.  

The Nurse says, “In 14 years, I don’t think anyone has ever said that before.”  “You mean to tell me that I’m the only guy you’ve ever heard of that’s crashed his snowmobile sober?”  She sadly nods, “Yes”.

Story 2) The tick.

Fast forward to 2017 and Rowdy is a 6 month old puppy.  I’ve established my routine of driving solo to the cabin on Tuesday night with Rowdy, going on a walk in the woods Wednesday morning, getting some “Come, Sit! Stay” training done, shooting clays all Wednesday afternoon, staying over Wednesday night and going to dog training on Thursday.  

So, it’s Wednesday night and while Rowdy is on Nexgard which kills ticks like…well, pick your favorite killing cliché.  It kills ticks.  But, still, I do a tick check on him, pull a couple off and then wander off to the bath room with its’ large mirror to look for them on me before my shower.

And…I find one.  On my back, between my shoulder blades where I can’t reach it.  It’s a little deer tick too.  The kind that harbors Lyme disease.  ( …at risk of political incorrectness, please realize that even though Lyme Disease is named for the city in Connecticut, no one blames Yankees for the disease…)  But I digress.

The tick is between my shoulder blades and I can’t reach it.  It is 11 pm, I’m all alone and I have come to the emotional realization that I will not be able to sleep knowing a Lyme disease infested tick is in me.  I have to do something about this.  So…first I tried using my toothbrush to scrape it off.  Failure, and now I’ve sacrificed the brush for no good reason.  I find a heavy shower scrubbing brush and try that.  No luck.  I considered going to the garage and getting a claw hammer but realized I do not have the personal grit required to scrape a tick out of my back with a claw hammer.  I’m playing with the idea of either a) driving the two hours home to wake up Ann so she can remove it or b) driving to the emergency room in Spooner – a 1 hour drive.

An idea occurs to me.  I’m this desperate.  I call the Burnet County Sheriff Non-Emergency number.  A pleasant peace officer answers.  I find myself saying:  “Hello, Officer, I am Geoff Whisler and I have a non-emergency problem that I hope you have a suggestion for.”  And I explain the situation.  

It redounds to this officer’s professionalism that he neither chuckled nor guffawed.  This is when I heard the fateful words for the second time in my life: “Mr. Whisler, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard anyone have this problem before.  Thank you for brightening my boring evening.  Yes, I do believe I have a solution for you.  There is an ambulance station in downtown Danbury, WI that is manned 24/7.  Here is their number.  They may be able to help you.”

So, I call the Danbury standby ambulance crew.  I go through the explanation again.  And again, I hear: “We ain’t never heard nuthin’ like this before!  But sure, c’mon on over.  If we haven’t been called out, we’ll help you.”

So, I drive the short drive over to Danbury and tentatively knock on the door.  “You the tick guy?” “Yup.”  “Let’s see ‘er!”  So, I pull my shirt up, they tweeze the tick out, treat my back with an antibiotic, put a band aid over it, seal the tick in scotch tape so I’ll have it preserved for testing in the event Lyme symptoms show up and give me the tick.  

I am thanked yet again for providing them with a once in a career memory and I go home to sleep soundly.

On that happy note, I remain,

Dad/Geoff.