Osekkai!

Howdy, Esteemed Readers,

Yesterday, in Osaka, Japan, I had an interesting cultural experience.

Japan is not a tiny island, but it is heavily populated and very mountainous. The population is concentrated on the coastal plains and the teeming millions of Japanese live ‘cheek by jowl’ if you will excuse my southernism. They don’t get to have a lot of actual privacy, so they tend to give each other a sort of mental privacy. They have a social contract – Osekkai - to politely ignore one another and they tend to live in their own little worlds when out in public. This value is taught from an early age. I have heard stories of young children asking their parents – like any growing kid would – ‘Mom, what is that funny man doing?” and being answered: “That is not something we pay attention to.”

This is one of the things that is very off-putting to westerners who grew up socialized in another culture and is often mistaken for haughtiness.

In Osaka, we stay at a very nice hotel; the Swissotel Nankai. Yesterday, my copilot and I met for an early lunch. On the way back to the room, we noticed that the huge lobby area was being set up for a wedding. It looked pretty much like a standard Western Wedding but with a Japanese twist. There was the standard altar and wedding decorations. There were rows of your standard hotel chairs, but they had been covered with blinding white cloth seat covers which are very Japanese. Again, this is in the middle of the hotel lobby area. The reception desk, entryway, bar and café are all in relatively close proximity to this central wedding area. I have no pictures to show you of this and I think when you finish this tale, you will see why.

Not thinking much more about it, I went upstairs to pack and get ready to leave for the next leg of this trip. When I came downstairs to check-out of the hotel the wedding was in process. It was obviously a Christian wedding as the preacher was using the same stentorian tones and cadences that you would hear in any US Church. As I took my place in line to check out it began to dawn on me that all around the wedding the other hotel guests were showing .....

Osekkai! Mind your own business!

The wedding party was ignoring them and they were ignoring the wedding – everything was in its little Japanese privacy box.

It occurred to me that no American Girl would put up with having her wedding in such a public and crowded venue. I took my place in line for the check-out counter. As my turn came, the preacher began to pray the benediction over the couple soon to be united in Holy Matrimony. Suddenly, my acculturation and values are overwhelming me. There is a little voice in my head screaming: “Hey! All you guys shut up! It’s a wedding! The preacher is praying! Show a little respect!'

Raised in the Southern Baptist Church, if I hear a prayer, even in Japanese, my habits and cultural norms kick in and I turned to the preacher and started to bow my head. The nice check out clerk was having nothing to do with that. “Sir, you are next. Please step up to the counter.” We were going to settle my bill right now. Ignore that service over there, Gaijin - it has nothing to do with us.

I was torn between two value systems and quite distracted. It just didn’t seem right to be talking and signing a bill during a wedding benediction. My body kept wanting to automatically turn and bow my head devoutly. I was very physically disoriented.

As I signed my bill, the preacher pronounced them Man and Wife, the applause started and I walked to the cab and got in.

Just thought I’d share this observation from the Mysterious Orient.

I remain,

Dad / Geoff